"No plans of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

Here is my 1st "Memory Memoirs". I have been getting nudges lately from the Holy Spirit and through God's word that he wants me to "go there", so this is where we went this week.

The other day I got all up in my teenage child's "grill", so to speak. I found myself wildly upset when it was brought to my attention, from another well meaning child of mine that he cut down the tree swing of his brothers, that we just put up this past weekend. Aside from the fact he was up on the top step of the ladder with a giant hedge clippers, there really was not to much of a reason for me to be upset. His motive was to move it so it would be farther out on the branch, to help prevent anyone from further injury. I knew all of this, but I was still so frustrated with the whole situation. I will spare you the details of our "nose to nose" confrontation that erupted. He made a comment to me and it sent me way back and all of a sudden it was as if time stood still and I could hear myself saying the same thing to my parents. His words were, " I hate my life. You don't know what its like. I have so much pressure and I don't need this from you."
My reply, needless to say will not earn me "Mom of the Year", but it was, "Don't tell me I don't understand what it's like. Don't forget, I didn't have a home where both my parents were, and so I was forced to grow up quickly, plus I still had the pressures that teenagers face. I do know what it is like and I remember the pressure that your talking about."

Which brings me to 3rd grade or there about. I was escorted out of my class, I think it was art. I can't remember who took me, but they were friendly as we walked down the hall. Maybe she told me where we were going but, I do remember that when they took me into this small, stuffy, warm, bright room, I must have been the last to arrive and I felt surprised and a little nervous not knowing what to expect, in spite of the woman's friendliness.
About 5 other kids, whom were all younger than I was, were all sitting in a circle and our guidance counselor "2 tall Jones" was also sitting on the floor with his long legs all tangled up in "Indian Style" fashion.
I think we went around the circle and said our name and age or something like that, and I began to feel more comfortable, and then it wasn't long they started to talk about "Divorce". I'm not sure that I realized at this point in my life that my parents were split for good. You see, my Dad worked some shift work and so did my Mom and so they kind of flip flopped and my Mom would come when my Dad was gone, although I did know my Mom had an apartment that I got to visit. So sitting in this small group seemed to make it official.
We were the only kids in the whole school who had, "Divorced" parents, and so we were "special". They told us that it wasn't our fault and that our parents still loved us. That was nice, but why did you have to pull me out of art class, I already knew that.
And so it goes. I think I have wore the tag, "Divorced Parents, poor me!" around since that time in 3rd grade. Never really realized it, until I went nose to nose with my child. It's about time I take it off and surrender the self-pity and the hurt that comes with parents splitting. I wonder though, what life would have been like if those well meaning people would have left me in art class and just let my parents, parent me.

Oh Lord, heal the hurt that still lingers in my heart from when my parents divorced and thank you for their deep love for me in the midst of it. Thank you for filling the longing I have had for a complete family, in giving me my own. Forgive me for all the times I play that "poor me" card, intentional or not. I know now that I wasn't alone during that time and that your plan was not for harm, but for good. Lord, help me to not exasperate these children that you have trusted me with. Thank you for a heart that is sensitive to others who face the reality of divorce.
In His Care,
Connie