Face to face at the cross again........

I found myself face to face at the cross again in my quiet time this morning. I am using the book 90 with John to guide my bible reading and up until this morning, haven't really been understanding or hearing anything in particular. Today I read John 19:38-42. I have read this many times before, this morning it was different. The last few mornings I have read about the crucification and really pondered the thought that Jesus was beaten so badly that his appearance was disfigured. Normally, I don't ponder there to long, because honestly, I don't like to think about it, it makes me to sad. So in reading John 19:38-42, this was fresh in my mind.
"After these things Joesph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him permission. So he came and took away his body. Nicodemus also, who earlier had come to Jesus by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about seventy-five pounds in weight. So they took the body of Jesus and bound it in linen cloths with the spices, as is the burial custom of the Jews. Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid. So because of the Jewish day of Preparation, since the tomb was close at hand, the laid Jesus there."
I never gave much thought much about Joesph or Nicodemus being the 2 chosen to take care of the body. Before they were fearful of what people would think and now had to dig deep to be the ones to take care of Jesus' body. I wonder if Joesph was nervous when he had to approach Pilate. Did his voice crack when he asked? Then they had to take Jesus from the cross to the nearby garden, not forgetting that his body was a bloody mess. Was it just the 2 of them in the tomb? As difficult as it all must of been, how intimate of a time with Jesus in the face of death. I wonder if as they tenderly wrapped his broken body if the cloth and spices were intermingled with their tears. I wonder if they understood that it was for their sins and mine that Jesus had died for. My heart breaks as I imagine the scene in the tomb. It causes me to become very serious about the choices I make, at least for now. I pray that I won't soon forget this precious time with Christ. I wonder if they knew that in 3 days the cloths they wrapped Jesus in would lay empty. Scripture leads us to believe they didn't. As I read I couldn't resist going to John 11:43:44~"Lazarus, come out."....."Unbind him, and let him go."
It is taken care of. Death does not rule any longer and I am so grateful. How precious is the blood of Christ. Though my sins are as black as the shirt I wear as I type, I have been washed as white as snow. Praise God for His wonderful mercy.
Humbled,
Connie

Summer Update

Summer is officially half over and for me it is time to get serious about making sure I have all the subjects and books my kids need for this year. Plus, spreadsheets with somewhat of our High School plan for Trevor. High School, I can't believe it.

This summer has been filled with softball, softball, little baseball, little swimming, and food. It has been non-stop and just this week I had one day that wasn't full and honestly, I wasn't sure what I should do with myself. My motivation level is low to do the things that need to be done, so I'm hoping somehow I will be refreshed. Our big vacation to MI is in a few weeks and though I am excited to be away 7 whole days, I know that on our return it will be time to say "farewell" to our summer days and back to the school year schedule. So needless to say, I'm praying for a new attitude and motivation. Oh, I almost forgot, we are considering purchasing a R.V.!!! HA! We have done the research and now we will take one more look at it and see if they will take our offer. If they do, we will be rolling our way all over the U.S. Can't you just picture it! Friends who live far away, beware we just might show up on your door step to celebrate Christmas with you like in National Lampoons Vacation. I love that part when the brother-in-law shows up. I think I'm going to rent that. Maybe R.V. too, with Robin Williams. HA
I will keep you all posted on the R.V. status because I know you will be waiting by your computers to find out what we decide.
Thats where were at,
Connie
PS. this is not the actual one we are looking at, this is just to help you visualize what's to come possibly:)

Flowers for Me

This is what I love about being a Mom.

Fresh picked flowers from the garden tied with a ribbon.

Love my new camera and my kids too!

This was the beautiful garden area at the hotel we stayed at in St. Charles, IL. We had a lot of fun together while Troy was busy working. I was so thankful for the time and the smiles they so graciously humored me with. They are so precious to me and an absolute joy to be with.

How I remember it.....

About 18 years ago, I was a working college student. It was a Thursday and I had school most of the day and then I was off to work until about 6ish. After work, the plan was to meet over at my moms home and go for dinner and my cousins graduation ceremony. It was a beautiful day out all day until I was finished with work, then it looked as if a storm was brewing. It was gray and it looked like the sky would open up at any moment the rain would poor down. I remember being dressed in a black and white check suit-like coat with puffy shoulders and a black skirt. Though the storm was coming, it was very warm and I was looking forward to beating the storm home, and cooling off some before we had to leave for the graduation. My job was a floater at a day-care and this was in the days before everyone had a cell phone, so I kept getting phone messages from people. I wondered why they wouldn't wait until I got home to let me know what the "plan" was for later. Little did I know what would all transpire in the next hour.
I drove over to my moms and my step-dad had meet me in the driveway as I approached the house and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine, but really hot. As we got closer to the house he said he had to tell me something, so I stopped and face him. The next thing he said is that my friend Jennie, had killed herself. I replied, "What?" He then told me again and this time it sunk in enough to get me to repeatedly say, "No, no, not Jennie. Why? What happened? Not Jennie, not Jennie! At this point I was hysterical and my mom had opened the door to let me in and heard what I was saying, and she asked, "What? Jennie? She then said, "It wasn't Jennie, it was Stephanie." Now, my mine is trying to process the information and figure out what is going on here. Then I see Troy come from the other room and I'm wondering what he is doing there, because he wasn't suppose to be. Turned out he was in a car accident prior to the news and when he called his parents they told him what had happened, so they brought him over to be there for me. Both my mom and Troy hugged me and from then on things get pretty blurred. It was a whole week until the funeral and I'm not sure what all transpired in between time. I remember hearing this version of what had happened. She had been under the influence and made some phone calls to her ex-boyfriend who was at the bar, then talked with him and then he hung up on her and she called back and talked to his good friend who was with him. Some said that she was threating to take her life on the phone and he didn't do anything. (Whether this is true or not, I don't know, it's just what I remember about what was said) She was in the living space in the basement across from her old bedroom that her sister was asleep in when she did it. Her sister is the one who found her. I think she left a note, but I thought I heard that they didn't know if it was written specific to this time. These are the things that have played over and over in my mind for 18 years. Along with things like.....we had plans, why didn't she call me?, she was getting her GED, she just got a new job, she was going to be getting a car of her own. Oh how I hate it even still today. I remember piling into a friends car to head to the airport to pick-up my friend Jennie. Turns out in my grief I took us to the wrong airport! Dah! We did pick her up but I don't remember much about the ride, besides staring out the window and the tears rolling down my cheeks every so many miles. Next thing I remember, is it was time for the funeral. I wore a black velvet dress, with some white lace on the neck line and puffy sleeves of course. I can't remember if their was a Friday evening showing, or if everything happened on Saturday morning. All I remember is Saturday, we went to the funeral home and looking at a silverish, shiny blue, casket with a picture of my best friend sitting on top. I was numb with sadness and remember sitting in the middle of the room surrounded by friends. I was holding a yellow rose that I was given and instructed to, at the appropriate time, walk by the casket and put it in a green vase. I wonder if I talked to anyone? Her aunt sang along with a tape, the song "Friends". And then it was over, but not really. Not for me. I still wrestle and it's been 18 years.

A Healing Heart......

As I read the old newspaper clippings~it seems part of my heart has been frozen in time.
The ache has pasted, but a longing still remains.
For 18 years it has seemed easier to keep my heart froze than to have to deal with the longing and hurt.
Whenever my heart longed to be soft~it was fear that kept it hard.
My hope was not to forget.
It was your laugh that I would miss.
I remember times when I would close my eyes and think real hard to try to hear it.
For awhile I could hear it in my mind.
As time went on and life pick-up, it became harder to hear.
Then the dreams would come.
You were there and I would try to talk with you, but you wouldn't speak, almost as if you couldn't.
I would press you and press you with question after question and then I would awake.
We never ended up roommates, you missed my wedding, and my kids.
Seems with each phase or milestone in life I would wonder what it would be like if you were here.
So my heart would stay froze, to avoid the pain of it.
I have seen suffering and death many times since, and always wonder why I am not effected as others.
Is it my great strength?~Likely not.
My guess now is that this old heart has learned to be numb and froze when it is suppose to be soft and tender.
Many times I would replay what I remember, never really realizing, I have many blank spots.
For the first time, God is giving me the courage to remember, really remember!
What's to become of it all~I don't know, but I know that in order for this old heart to heal it needs to remember.
Will the longing ever be gone?
Likely not, but no longer do I fear.
Lord a tender heart is what I long for.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid....
You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

Psalm 56:3-4;8-9

Word filled Wednesday

My Sweet Child

A few weeks ago, I woke up to these little pink post it notes all over our house with encouraging and loving words from my sweet child. She had strategically placed them in all the spots that I visit daily. The glasses I use for OJ in the morning, OJ in the refridge, the computer screen, and when I thought I had found all of them there was still one to be found. When it came time to correct her math, I found my favorite one. In the correction manual the note she left said, "I love when we get to spend time together." She blessed my day.

Tori's SOL

Just for the record: Troy would hate this photo, due to the double chin thing going on, but I couldn't bring myself to change it, because my sweet daughter picked it out herself.

SOL/Tori: Rainy Days

SOL/Connie: "Sew" Sweet

Happy Birthday to me early, way early!!!
My dear sweet Mom, insisted that as I begin the clothing quilts for my kids graduation, that I make them on a machine that has the capability to sew a straight line.
"Sew" she took me out on Saturday and bought me this sweet thing!
It was on sale for $100 off!
It is amazing compared to the machine I was using.
It's quiet, smooth, and look how many different stitches I can do.
Now, only to find time to play!!!!!
Thanks Mom, your the best.
Connie

SOL/Connie: Promotion

Here in our bedroom oasis, tucked in the corner, a treadmill stands in its upright position. No longer does it wait to be ran on, because it has been transformed into a dvd, and TV box, entertainment center. I'm sure that it was content with that roll, until the most recent promotion that my dear husband has received. Little did we know, (both the treadmill and I) that we to would be in store of a promotion. The treadmill, has now become a place for any clothes that need ironing. This is the place they hang, just waiting for me to grab a hold of them and massage all the wrinkles out. For years, the Mister, has been asking for this to be done for him, and for years, I have promised that when the kids were gone I would gladly do all the ironing his heart desired. Little did I know that I would be promoted to the Head Ironing Lady so soon. I have 2 choices, 1. I could be haunted by the clothes that hang there and call out to me every time I enter the oasis of our bedroom. Or 2. I could somehow embrace this promotion and do it with joy. As of now, I have chosen #2. When the clothes beckon me before the rightful time, I pray that he would have eyes only for me and that he is safe where ever he might be the next time he is wearing that outfit, because his new promotion doesn't only require nice clothes, but times of travel. When the time of ironing is at hand, I pray for each part of his body that the piece of clothing covers. So I'm enjoying and embracing this new promotion, and can only hope as time goes on I will be a master at my trade. As for the treadmill, it already has surpassed all that we could have possibly asked of it.
Connie

SOL/Connie: An Anxious Heart

Snow covered ground, the reminder of death that lingers at the door.
Puddles and ducks reveal the coming of spring and new life.
It won't be long now and the rains will come and wash the snow away completely, just as the drops of my dear Saviors blood has washed my sin covered life.
Soon the world will be changed and all of creation will be singing and dancing-full of life, and the snow covered ground will only be a memory.
O' anxious heart, be still and wait, for it won't be long now.
Connie

SOL/Tori: Pen Pal

SOL/Connie: Reflections on Retreat

In a quiet time recently God spoke Isaiah 61 to me: "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...."
Last weekend, God used this once bound, broken-hearted, and poor in spirit woman to pray with others to be free. How humbling it is to live out the word of God.
Connie

SOL/Connie: 6 AM

For sometime now, I have felt the nudge to get my day started a little bit earlier then normal. The nudge sometimes comes from the Holy Spirit, Troy, or in this case the 2 sweet little children were caring for this weekend. Sleeping is always a concern with little ones, especially when they aren't in there own beds. Laying them down last night went exceptionally well. The baby fell right to sleep in my arms at around 7 pm. What precious days. Then the little one, I laid down at 8 pm. She went down without a peep. We went to bed and I had a taste of victory and high hopes of sleeping peacefully all night. Though it wasn't long and around 11pm, Troy, rolls over and says, "The baby is crying." My response was, "What?" And so he repeated himself, and again, I was a little confused. Then I realized, oh the baby......so I sprang up to see what was the matter, as I tried to recall the list of things to do that was sent with them from their mother. I don't remember her saying anything about 11pm? Then, I began to pray, Oh Lord, please let it only be that I have to cover him up and stick his nuk in! As I stumbled my way in the dark, I opened our creaky door as quietly as I could, only to find a bundle of blankets! Where was the baby? My heart started to quicken as I pulled back the beautiful quilt once used by my kids, and there he was fussing in his sleep. I breath a sigh of relief and straighten out his bedding and he is restful once again. Back to bed I go, hoping to find peaceful rest once again. Next thing I know, I hear a little crying voice, calling for her mommy. Up I spring once again, and peek at the clock only to see the numbers 5:54 AM. In my mind I think that this may be a long day. I make my way to the next room and pick up that sweet child who is wondering where in the world she is and I remind her of her stay at the Hoehne house. She settles quickly in my arms, and rests her head on my shoulder. Should I try to lay her back down or is it really time to get started. I decide to try laying her back down, just for a little bit longer, Lord! Not, today! Today I will start my day at 6AM! When is naptime, anyways?\
Connie

Sol/Tori: Taco Dip

SOL/Connie: No more Kleenex

Empty Kleenex boxes,
Crumpled tissues,
cough drop wrappers,
sticky medicine cups,
nasal spray,
Dimeatapp, Advil, Robitussen pick your pleasure,
bloody noses,
continued coughing,
extra laundry,
no sleep,
healing please?

Slice of Life/Connie: Beauty of the Truth

I look out over the snowy lake and watch as the 2 men look in the holes to see if they have caught any fish. My eyes burn from the lack of sleep and my legs drag as I move to a different window to get a better view of the horizon. As I take in the beauty that surrounds me, I reflect about the hearts of my friends, who shared just the day before in the very room I stand. My heart aches for them as I recall their stories full of pain. I wonder what this new day will bring for both them and myself. The time comes to share with others of the new things that God is doing and the truth that had been hidden is now revealed to a room of 380 women. Quiet stillness, faces full of pain appear, and tears slowly fall. My friend stands tall as she chokes on her words as she shares the truth of a long kept lie, and then it happens~she smiles. I'm sure her journey to healing has just begun, but I do know that a sense of freedom came across her face on this cold morning and it warmed the whole room.
"Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

Bible Conference with Dr. Daniel Block

This last weekend was the annual Bible conference at our church. I love it every year, and this year was no different. It was called, "Fire on the Mountain". Dr. Block is a O.T. scholar and he also helped in translating the New Living Bible. He knows his stuff. I was challenged, convicted, and encouraged all the same. Here are just a few things that really stuck.

Main premise of the conference: True worship involves reverential acts of submission and homage before the Divine Sovereign, in response to His gracious revelation of Himself, and in accordance with His will.

#1. No where in the bible do the people say, "I love you Lord.". Interesting we say this all the time and don't think twice about it. Love (ahavie) in the Hebrew, which I am sure I spelled wrong, means a covenant commitment demonstration in action of the next person. They never say they love the Lord, because it would be putting themselves on the same plain as God himself. He also said early on in the weekend, that we say, "I love you Lord, but I hate your precepts!" Ouch, that one hurt a little. I know I don't say the words, that I hate His precepts, but my rebellious actions are a reflection of that truth in my life. He said our prayer should be more like this, "Lord change my pathetic lack of love that I have for you."

#2. He talked on Isaiah 6:9-10 where God asks, "Whom shall I send?" and Isaiah responds, "Here I am, send me!". Dr. Block's comment really struck me and I hope to remember it: "The calling is to do what God has called us to and the fruit is up to God. The fruit is not a reflection of my faithfulness." So many times I measure myself against the fruit and this can be very discouraging.

#3. Throughout scripture when the people worshiped, they fell down before the Lord. (knees or face) If I do not ever find myself in this position before the Lord then, I'm afraid to say, I can't claim to be a true worshiper of the Lord. When people worship authentically then the fruit will be a transformed life and they will "go out"! (There would be no need for anymore volunteer drives, now would there be:)

#4. Our culture is the only culture that doesn't realize they have a problem. (sin being the issue) We walk around saying, "I'm ok, you're ok!" We have sanitized our souls. (falsely) This is so sad to me! I'm praying that my children would not end up buying into this lie of our culture.

He also preached Sunday morning on Prayer. Here are the things I took away from that:
Daniel 9:1-24
#1. We pray as if we are the center of the universe! (ouch, I'm guilty!!!)
#2. Prayer starts with God trying to get through to us.
#3. We are the ones who have turned from God, the problem is with us. God always keeps His word.
#4. God is at the center. God's name is stamped on His people. People are drawing conclusions about God because of me wearing His name. God's reputation is at stake and the welfare of His people. God doesn't need us but he stakes his reputation on us. (Oh, how humbling, is that.) He calls us to cast our cares on Him for Jesus sake~not our own.


When was all said and done, a part of me felt like such a shmuck!!! I fall so, so very short, and I do know this, but so many times I try to cherry coat my sin and gloss over it, by comparing myself to others. Oh I am so much like the Pharisees. I am thankful for the gentle rebuke through this conference and humbled at the great love my Saviour has for me. What a good God.
Thankful He doesn't leave me to myself,
Connie

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My Bucket List

I have wanted to write up my own bucket list, so that is what my goal is for 2009! Here it goes, and I will likely add to it as time goes on.

Bucket List
~Do some rock climbing, not to high though!
~Spend the weekend alone with Troy at a B&B, in a cute town, that is quiet.
~Meet Beth Moore in person and wouldn't it be fun to have lunch with her!!!
~Have a girls shopping weekend with my mom, Tori, Lisa and the girls, my sweet aunts, and my sweet girl cousins!
~Attend a conference with my mom, Lisa, my sweet aunts, and my sweet girl cousins.
~Have a spa day
~Spend a weekend with my best girlfriends from HS, PJ's, Nail polish, lots of laughter, old stories, and great food.
~Re-do wedding day
~Write a book
~See Glacier Park
~Visit Washington D.C.
~Travel to Israel (safely)
~Mission trip to anywhere to minister to kids and women
~Meet our compassion child
~See the people I love most come to the saving truth of Jesus Christ!!!
~Learn to kick box really good.
~Ballroom dance
~Beat my boys in a video game.
~Go on the show Amazing Race or Survivor just to see if I could do it.

Thats it for now!!!! This is a good start.
Until next time,
Connie

Hopes and Dreams

"I hope to be a pro-moto-crosser and my dream.....hmmm, I know it was something important. What was it.......Oh! My dream is to be an inventor! That's important isn't it?" Carter

"I Float like a Butterfly, and sting like a Bee!"
One of my favorite gifts!!!!